in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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