Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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