There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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