Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
