How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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