why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
