did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
