yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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