She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
