Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
