**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
