if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
