I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
