what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
