Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
