I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
