Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
