someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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