maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
