I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
