I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
