My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
