um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
