I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if only i could text you this smell
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
