I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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