You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
