Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
