every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
