I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
