Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
