I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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