First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
