oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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