Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
