So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
COCAINE IS GR8
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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