I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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