i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
