He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
