We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
