Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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