You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
