Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
