meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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