cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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