a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
