I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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