we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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