just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
