so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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