It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
