Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
