Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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